It's our third Christmas together with Zoe, and it just gets better. We spent many December evenings seeing lights, hearing live music, baking cookies, and dancing to Christmas music. Zoe even learned how to sing some of All I Want for Christmas Is You, and Santa Baby-- just by listening to these songs on repeat! She also put forth a superstar performance in the holiday show at her school, I will never forget the joy on her face as she danced and jumped like nobody was watching onstage with a big paper snowflake around her neck. Also, I lingered as long as I could in the quiet, magical moments: when she tasted the icing stuck to the mixer whisk for the first time, her fascination while watching the twinkling lights on a ballerina's tutu, the familiar weight of her tiny (but, not so tiny) presence in my lap while I read her favorite Christmas books first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. She fully participated in everything this year, hanging up ornaments, cutting out cookie shapes, making crafts, and anticipating the unwrapping of gifts. She wanted to do everything, and she surprised us with her attention span, memory, and abilities.
After having avoided COVID for so long, we finally caught it just before Christmas Day. It seemed like after all of the holiday fun, we were being told to rest and recharge. Luckily by Christmas morning, I was no longer feeling symptoms and was actually energetic when I woke up with her. After the usual scuffle of getting her to go to the toilet and change into her undies, we started off the day with peeled persimmons, strawberries, and an egg tart from Grandma. Sitting at her usual spot at the head of the table, she was fully engrossed in her food while listening to the full Nutcracker album and the familiar sounds of me getting my day started in the kitchen and bathroom. Then we video chatted with Popo and Ah-Gong, who we were supposed to visit today. Zoe was being a big jokester and repeatedly wished everyone a Happy Thanksgiving instead of a Merry Christmas. Then, she caught sight of the gingerbread house that we made the night before and demanded to have some of the candy stuck to it. I complied--why not? She picked off all of the m&m's (her new favorite), gave me the gummies (her not-so-favorite), and then realized that the animals were edible as well and munched through each woodland creature. Then, Daddy woke up and we sat down in front of the tree to open the presents, while video chatting Auntie Margaret, Auntie Anissa, Uncle Wesley, and Uncle Andrew as well. She thanked everyone for their gifts and was especially excited about her new pink wristwatch, pink fox house slippers, a tin of gummy candy shaped like foods, and a gift set of hot chocolate. It's funny how even if we don't reveal to her what is inside of a colorful metal tin, she is able to deduce that it's something sweet and tasty that she must have. Then, I received a small, square music box from Wes with Zoe's picture on it that played You Are My Sunshine (definitely had me sobbing into Zoe's hair), and he pulled a Lululemon shirt out of his stocking that was very much on his "want-but-shouldn't-have" list. Zoe was surprised to know that something was inside of her stocking too, and gleefully pulled out a box of chocolate Pocky. We headed outside after all of that and just sat in the grass in our back yard, looking up at the bare tree branches while munching on Zoe's Pocky, which she generously shared, but did not allow us to take any bites before she did. It was a sunny day for December, perfect weather for making bubbles, kicking around a soccer ball, going on the swing, and doing yoga poses. Zoe took it upon herself to call out the yoga poses--"Mountain pose! Tree pose! Butterfly pose!" And then, "Peanut butter pose!" Laughing, I asked her to demonstrate what that pose was, to which she lay on her side on the picnic blanket. Wes then asked her if she would eat a cheeseburger, to which she responded in all seriousness, "No, I want a mango burger." Alas, Fair Oaks Burger was closed for Christmas, but we got dimsum to-go instead. Not a bad consolation prize. Zoe had quite a meltdown though--she was much more interested in swinging than in sitting down for lunch, much to our frustration. We finally had to transition her inside the house and wait for her to calm down. After a long pause, she actually said, "I'm sorry," on her own. I was shocked that she had actually reflected on her actions and come up with an apology unprompted. It was a show of her maturity and self-awareness, something that definitely wasn't there before. We all ate lunch, and then she had her nap (after a bit of protest). Maybe she had consumed one too many sweets this morning, and that would be... my fault! Or maybe this is just a preview to her threenager year.
For dinner, Wes had smoked a lamb shoulder the day before so we had some good leftovers to dig into. There was basmati rice, lavash, hummus, lamb fat potatoes, and all of the fixin's with it. Zoe had pointed to the skin and requested a piece--Wes gave her some meat and she corrected him. No, the skin! She definitely knew that the outside was the smokiest, crispiest, and most flavorful. Both today and yesterday, she actually ate none of the lavash that used to be her favorite, but folded it into little squares off to the side. Dinnertime is our time to focus on each other without distractions, and Zoe never fails to put on a show. She loves to experiment (not always appropriately), sing (with her mouth full), talk (smack about other people), reject (what she asked for), deny (that she did anything wrong), and sometimes will take bites. We've had to get creative with the way we get her to behave. Then, just as quickly as she started, she declares that she is all done (which always feels premature to us), and as usual we immediately start offering her all kinds of fruits to keep her at the table a little while longer. On this particular night, a golden kiwi sounded pretty good to her, so she agreed to be fed two halves of one. After she was properly cleaned up, she shuffled for a few minutes around the living room cautiously on her new scooter, which was Wes's strategy of getting her more accustomed to it. Did I mention that she wanted a scooter but then was somewhat disappointed that it was not the same exact one that they have at school? Then, she simply danced around it while flapping her hands around wildly while listening to a song. This is one of my favorite parts of the day, the gap of free play between dinner time and bath time, when she just does whatever her body and mind feel and often leaves us cracking up or exchanging awed expressions at the dining table as we wrap up our dinner. She flits from MagnaTiles to musical instruments, her climbing pickler to her drawing board, her kitchen set to her trampoline, inserting stuffed animal interactions into most of it. Then, she might announce that she needs to poop or pee, and will run to the bathroom while shouting, "Don't see me!" to take care of her business. Recently, she's been requesting a book to read while sitting on the toilet (the Gingerbread Mouse), and no longer needs the reward of watching a short video on my phone to reinforce the bowel movements. Not long ago, I was having to sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider while she perched on the toilet to make her stay longer. And not long ago before that, she was in pull-ups, and diapers. After this, we give her a few more minutes to play and then she has a bath. Bath time is another stretch of hilarious monologuing as she plays in the tub while we clean up the dining area. I leave the sound recorder on in there sometimes to capture it, and we agree that the way that she talks has an uncanny resemblance to the way that I talk. After a while, she agrees to come out and we drain the water, dry her off, she acts like a dragon for ten seconds, and then we floss, brush, and put on pajamas. An hour of fussing with her books, stuffed animals, and blankets, later, she's finally asleep. It's a marathon, but interjected with many memorable and silly moments of a child just being a child and us adults keeping up with her world while trying to keep our cool.
The prospect of a few days straight of unscheduled time would have made me feel antsy in the past, especially if everybody else still gets to go on with their festivities. This time, I didn't mind. I welcomed this "holiday" from the holidays (after I recovered from two days of fever, headaches, and chills!). On the weekends when we don't have plans, I do love watching her eat her breakfast while I drink coffee, just talking to each other about anything and everything. She has so many good questions and makes some really thoughtful connections now--not to mention her quips and sense of humor. Now that we are home quarantining, every day starts like this (unless I'm sleeping in), and it's been comforting and sweet. Then, she just starts to play and I just sit back and watch. I just love hearing what comes out of her mouth when she enters into play, and when she asks me to join in on her world, I am able to do it wholeheartedly, as there really isn't much else that needs to be done anyway, and we've got no schedule. She wanted me to read a book to her over and over, and I was able to do it without saying, "Last time." She asked to make some white chocolate bark that she saw in a magazine, and we just went into the kitchen and got started with the ingredients that we had. She suggested doing "an activity," so I grabbed a paper plate, glue, and some cotton balls and we made Santa. The dishes pile up little by little, laundry could be done, I haven't washed my face, and my tea is half-drunk, but all of that exists in another world for now. I look at her face and still see the baby she was, not so long ago, and hope that she will take her time to grow up. Her voice is still so tender and innocent, even though she says some things that sound beyond her years. She still has the endearing mannerisms of a small person who is not at all self-conscious and who just lives from moment to moment. I wonder if I'll still see the baby in her when she is a teen, or even an adult. From watching her play and talk, I see how her personality is evolving and hope that she will stay this confident and authentic, and that she will continue her thirst for learning for her lifetime. I am just so grateful to know her and be her mom, to be on this journey of constant self-evaluation full of ups and downs, always so humbling. It's exciting to see what year four will bring, as we get to know each other more and more. In a few days we will be going on vacation and then heading back to work, so I will savor the long, unplanned days for a little bit more while they last. But please Zoe, do keep up with the afternoon naps, for your mother's sanity.
12/24/23
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