marilynmeetswes: Five Years Married

It's our five-year anniversary today. Looking back at these photos has never made me feel so emotional before. It could be from feeling socially distant from all of these loving friends and family members. But I think that it's mainly because it hits me how much we have changed in the last year. We are no longer as carefree as we were when we said our vows and danced the night away. Everything that day looked so predictable and fun, so perfect and happy.

It was on this day last year that I surprised Wes by announcing our first pregnancy, under the same tree where we had our "first look" on our wedding day. We were celebrating our fourth anniversary by returning to Descanso Gardens, our wedding venue, after a long day of unpacking boxes and working with the electrician. Moving into our newly-bought home was hard work, but we were so full of hope for the future. Wes never shed a tear (not even at our wedding), but he had to wipe tears from his eyes when I told him that we were expecting a baby. I had no idea that the ensuing twelve months after this day would bring so many more tears. But the hard year ahead also brought a deeper level of empathy and trust into our marriage.

I vowed on our wedding day, "I will not take your overflow of generosity for granted. I will not take advantage of your constant patience with me. I will not exploit your easygoing spirit or abuse your work ethic."

However, I also vowed that I would make his happiness my first priority always, and honestly I have not done so well at keeping that promise this year. Through moving into our house, enduring two miscarriages, my school closing, and adjusting to the havoc that this pandemic has wreaked upon my work/social/travel life, I have been selfishly exhausted, bitter, and guilty, to be honest. I doubted whether I deserved his kindness, generosity, and patience anymore. This doubt was unhealthy.

I pulled out his vows the other day and felt a wave of reassurance by the words that he spoke. "You embody the values that make you a perfect friend, wife, and lifelong partner-in-crime. You are caring, loving, and you know how to keep me in line but most importantly, you feed me. You feed my desire for companionship. You feed my desire for dessert. You feed my desire for life." I laughed on our wedding day to hear this, but in all of its lightheartedness, these words do carry weight. A desire for life is not something that is automatic, and it isn't something that can be taken for granted.

In this very challenging year, we have grown more resilient as a couple, rather than more strained. I am so, so grateful for Wes for being the most understanding and fun person to be around throughout these times, and for just sticking through it with me, balancing me out, and continuing to have faith in me despite our differences. In another part of his vows, he said, "While we are similar in many ways we are also very different. It's cheesy but I like to describe us as yin and yang where opposite forces are complementary, interconnected, and interdependent. I believe we are a perfect balance of black and white or hot and cold where one cannot exist without the other."

And in the words of our Maid of Honor, Margaret:

"I never could have come up with a hero more perfect for Marilyn than you, Wes.

You accept and share in Marilyn’s dorkiness, you understand her nature of indecision, and you appreciate her multitude of talents. I have seen you do everything you can to make her the happiest person. Together, the two of you sustain one another’s adventurous, go-getter spirits. You have opened Marilyn’s imagination to an even wider host of possible characters and settings. And you can always make Marilyn laugh her signature, hysterical laugh, in times of ease and of stress. Now, your stories are forever interwoven, and those are the strongest stories.

The best thing I can wish for you two is that you will never lose your passion for telling tales of adventure as you embark together on the biggest adventure two people can take together (second to sisterhood!)."

Happy Anniversary, Wes, and if there's one thing I know for certain in this unpredictable life, it is that I chose the most amazing husband ever. And with you as a constant, life is worth living.