She's Movin' Up to Kindergarten

Zoe was one-and-a-half when she started preschool in 2022.  I remember the moment we got the email offering us a spot, and how caught off guard we were.  It was a very well-respected and popular daycare / preschool and we loved it when we toured.  We signed up on the wait list thinking it would be a year before she'd get in, if at all.  But literally two weeks after we were waitlisted, we received the message and had 24 hours to decide.  It was now or never--we accept, or get moved to the bottom again.  We decided to pull the trigger, and just like that, our little girl was going to school.  

The morning of her first day of school, Zoe was quite the deer-in-the-headlights.  We prepared her as best as we could with reading books about school and discussing it with her.  We were advised to make the drop-off quick and casual, and to assure her simply that we will be back to pick her up.  We did what we were told, and it was so fast that we were left equally as dumbfounded as she was.  But we knew that it was a good place with a wholesome philosophy, clean and well-curated materials, and all that.  So we just left her there, to fend for herself.  Our little baby.  I'm sure that she was mesmerized by it all, people-watching and snack-eating were some of her favorite things to do.  While I don't remember how she reacted when we went to pick her up, I won't ever forget how much I looked forward to that moment every day for the next four years.  She cried when we dropped her off for the next two weeks, which of course made us feel terrible, but then, she was always busy and enjoying herself when we went to get her.  She quickly became very close to her teachers and loved talking about them every day when she came home from school, asking for them sometimes over the weekend.  We also became close to many of the families there, and to this day, still continue to meet and plan things together.  She learned life's first lessons in trusting in herself, and also the strength in leaning on others, in community.  We had the honor of re-learning those same lessons, as her parents.

2023

2024

2025

2026

Zoe in Taiwan

Our trip to Taiwan with Zoe in November has made a lasting imprint on me.  It was not only Zoe's first international trip, but also her first trip to my parents' home country.  Taiwan is also the first (and only) foreign country that I traveled to when I was a kid.  I did not get to go frequently to be too familiar, but I do have core memories from my visits, and I have stayed connected to Taiwanese culture because of my parents.  All of my life, I knew that Taiwan was a meaningful place, and I think Zoe now does, too.  Now, I have core memories of her making core memories there.

This was also our very first long-haul trip with Zoe, and I was both nervous and excited.  Making this experience special for her was our one and only goal, and just having that uncomplicated mentality was such a freeing way to travel as parents.  It was going to be about her, and that honestly fulfills us most these days.  Though we chose kid-friendly activities and traveled at a kid-friendly pace, it was all still a big adjustment for her.  She took it well and was flexible and curious.  We are super proud of her!

Zoe, the Piano, and Me

"My name is Zoe Wong, and I'm going to play Shepherd Count Your Sheep and Old PigDonald's," Zoe announces to a small audience gathered on a few pews at Pasadena Presbyterian Church.  She takes a deep bow, pigtails dangling by her ears, one arm across her belly.  She quickly turns around and settles onto the piano bench, resting her feet comfortably on the footstool and pedal.  She places her fingers on the black keys and begins, from memory.  The sounds of the grand piano ring clear and true through the tall room, she knows the songs by heart and plays them without hesitation.  It was a full circle moment for me, seeing this performance, seeing myself in her... actually, seeing a better version of myself in her.  She was the first to go up, but she was not nervous--she was brave without even knowing it.  She took a hasty little bow and happily leapt off the stage when her turn ended with a big smile, running straight to Wes's lap.  My parents and Wes's mom sat behind us, beaming at her.  

Three months ago, a week after Zoe turned five years old, she stepped foot into her first piano lesson.  I am a kid who grew up with piano as a constant during my childhood.  It wasn't always easy and fun, but more a mixed bag of emotions...a love-hate relationship that eventually turned into a place of comfort and a source of pride.  Ten levels of music theory, book after book of Sonatinas and finger exercises, being expected to practice after school, and going to recitals and competitions year after year, must have at least in part molded me into the person that I am.  Playing the piano was not just a skill to be mastered, but a journey of discipline, self-determination and even, as I came to realize much later, a part of my identity.  

Here We Are, Christmas 2024

Another year, another Christmas.  I realized that I hadn't blogged anything since last Christmas, it is crazy how quickly time flies by.  It's been another full year, with days packed to the brim with fun and learning, I've had no energy or time to sit down and record it in writing.  It's also been tough from time to time, but overall, it feels easier.  Maybe it's the fact that Zoe sleeps through the night again and is basically independent with bedtime... you'd think that I would have written more stuff down with that burden lifted from the nightly duties, but I've basically been blissfully unoccupied, just zoning out at the end of each day because being useless and unproductive feels so damn wonderful.  But anyway, here we are again, approaching Christmas Day.

COVIDmas with our Toddler

It's our third Christmas together with Zoe, and it just gets better.  We spent many December evenings seeing lights, hearing live music, baking cookies, and dancing to Christmas music.  Zoe even learned how to sing some of All I Want for Christmas Is You, and Santa Baby-- just by listening to these songs on repeat! She also put forth a superstar performance in the holiday show at her school, I will never forget the joy on her face as she danced and jumped like nobody was watching onstage with a big paper snowflake around her neck.  Also, I lingered as long as I could in the quiet, magical moments: when she tasted the icing stuck to the mixer whisk for the first time, her fascination while watching the twinkling lights on a ballerina's tutu, the familiar weight of her tiny (but, not so tiny) presence in my lap while I read her favorite Christmas books first thing in the morning and last thing before bed.  She fully participated in everything this year, hanging up ornaments, cutting out cookie shapes, making crafts, and anticipating the unwrapping of gifts.  She wanted to do everything, and she surprised us with her attention span, memory, and abilities.  

Back at Yosemite with Zoe

2021

2022

Last year at around this time, we took Zoe to Yosemite for the first time.  She was only 11 months old, just a compact, wide-eyed bundle that we could carry around everywhere.  We took her to the edge of Mirror Lake, up to Badger Pass, and down to the Yosemite Valley.  We even had her lie in the snow to make a snow angel.  She was not exactly predictable at the time, but she wasn't hard to handle either.  Nine times out of ten, any fussing was resolved by unzipping my jacket and unhooking my nursing bra.  Other times, Wes would snuggle her while continuing to hike, or she might cry angrily for a few minutes and then knock out in the carrier on his back for a nap.  None of that was exactly easy, but it was more straightforward than it was this year.

Zoe is now just a few weeks shy of turning two years old, and with that maturity comes with preferences, more complicated needs, desires, and dislikes.  Let's put it this way, we had to pack 7 stuffed animals on this trip (fox, monkey, brown dog, acorn, deer, otter, hamster) and about 8 types of snacks.  Options are her best friend.  Unfortunately though, sometimes she just doesn't have a choice, and those times required a lot of patience and flexibility on our parts.  Refusing to wear the mittens in 30-degree weather required us to reason with her as best as we could, and in the end, she had to learn it the hard way by letting her hands get cold before crying, "Mittens!"  We also had to relax our expectations a lot, because one minute she'd be happily sitting in the sled or walking in the snow and then out of nowhere, she'd be anxiously asking to be picked up and refusing to be put back down.  We had imagined that she'd enjoy the fluffy and pretty snow, but she turned out to have somewhat of a love-hate relationship with the stuff.  Throughout the trip, she surprised us over and over with both what she was willing to do and what she was unwilling to do.  We have learned that there is always a way around her finickiness as long as we approach her at her level and get creative with negotiations, and that it's necessary to temporarily let go of our own hopes for an experience and find ways to enjoy things the way they are.  Honestly, as long as she's happy and comfortable, we are.  And it continues to be so cool to see how her world opens up at her will, in her time, on her own accord.  Our job is just to expose her, and then it's her choice how far she wants to take it.

Grateful for this Time

As I am sitting in front of the computer right now, Zoe has her back turned to me, standing at the water table and pouring water from a scoop held in one hand into a funnel at the top of a tower.  We used to do water table play almost every day over the summer, but she never was able to reach the top of that tower.  Some of the water spills and splashes down from around the top of the funnel and some of it flows out of the funnel tube in a stream and activates a small wheel, which quickly turns, carrying the water down to a tipping scale, which flips the water onto another spinning wheel.  Zoe watches this happen again, and again, and again.  She sometimes turns to look at me over her shoulder, saying her signature, "Wooww!" or "Uh-oh!", and something random, like, "Wash your hands!" and "That slide!"  She is fully in the moment, immersing herself visually, auditorily, tactually, proprioceptively, and emotionally in the repetitive, yet ever-changing task of scooping and pouring water from one container into another.  The tower tips and she asks for help, but then lifts it back into place by herself before I get there.  "You did it!" I say.  Leaves drift down from the trees as a light breeze blows through our back yard.  Zoe has not noticed this, or has she?  It's so fascinating to me, how much she picks up on, without our realization.  She whirls around and says, "Maaamaaa! Zoe!"  while looking at me, with a big smile on her face.  She must have thought of us while experimenting with the water.  She bursts into song, "Baby Shark, doo-doo-doo-doo!" without turning around, enjoying the bouncy melody playing inside of her head.  These moments are so simple, yet so intricate when I sit down and truly observe and notice all of the moving pieces.  Like water flowing through the parts of the tower, there is cause and a rippling effect to everything.  Everything that has been intentionally and unintentionally poured into Zoe, spins and mixes and comes out in ways that are totally unexpected and wondrous.  I am so grateful to be able to witness it, as her mother.